Several weeks ago...
"So according to the brochure that the Council gave me..." Wolf Knight started, as the trio of adventurers walked down the sunlit path. "...Not all of the Deathlords actually live in the castle. Only Lord Darkblood Killdeath does, really."
"That's inconvenient, and makes the name of the castle misleading." Burning Mermaid replied. A group of laughing children ran across the path in front of them.
"I've got to say, this place...is not exactly what I expected." Turbo said. "I kind of expected more...dark, and evil, and...miscellaneous other effects of a cursed land."
"I agree. This doesn't feel homey at all. Maybe I should have stayed at the Tower, Rodeo Nova is well on her way to making that place more like home." Burning Mermaid said, with a sigh.
"Yeah, about that." Wolf Knight said. "Are either of you at all concerned with the complete lack of communication of any sort from the Tower lately?"
"It's probably fine." Turbo replied, with a shrug. "I'm confident in the ability of our Super Wizard superiors to handle pretty much anything."
****
"CATCH THE RABBITS! DON'T LET ANY ESCAPE!"
"WE'VE LOST CLASSROOM 2B!"
"KEEP THEM SEPARATED! FIVE OF THESE ARE STUDENTS AND ONE IS A CHAIR!"
"CLASSROOM 2C IS RABBITS! ALL OF IT' IS RABBITS! RABBITS! OH GODS, WHY IS THIS HAPPENING?!"
"...Do you hear...barking?"
****
"...It's alarming, but I think he actually believes that." Wolf Knight said, looking back at Turbo Thunder.
"I'm somewhat surprised the Tower didn't explode immediately after we left." Burning Mermaid agreed. "Or while we were still there. Or on any given day."
"You two need to have more faith in the Council and the Super Wizards." Turbo Thunder said, shaking his head.
****
"THE COUNCIL IS RABBITS!"
"EVEN ELDER FRED?!"
"No, Elder Fred is fine. So stoic and brave in the face of adversity!"
"Truly an inspiration to us all."
**BANG BANG BANG**
**BARK BARK**
**BANG BANG BANG**
"Something's trying to get through the door! Protect the Rabbit Council!"
****
"Oh we have faith in the Council and Super Wizards." Wolf Knight said. "Just not faith that they know what they're doing."
"The Tower's got great defenses!" Turbo argued. "Nothing is getting into the Tower if the Council doesn't want it there."
****
The great iron doors to the Council Chambers were ripped off their hinges and thrown to the side with a deafening clang and a cloud of debris.
"What in the name of Torp..."
As the dust cleared, the threat gradually came into view. It was a giant mass of amorphous dogs, barking and panting with multiple tentacle-like tails, all wagging happily. A pink, jeweled collar around one of the dog-head protrusions read 'Magistrate Snugglebutt the Unspeakable. If found, return to Rodeo Nova at the Super Wizard Tower in Happyshine.'
"...If we get through this, we really, REALLY need to get that girl to a psychologist."
Friday, April 7, 2017
Thursday, April 6, 2017
Chronicles of the Rodeo-Ninja War (Part 1)
Hello readers! My, it has been quite some time, hasn't it? I do apologize for our absence, but there were...circumstances out of our control. The computer that I use to update this blog, along with our IT staff(s) and a great number of other things had been transmogrified into rabbits*, you see. Things have been...eventful here.
*Due to recent events, the Council have decided to move Rabbit Transmogrification to one of the forbidden arts, at least for the time being.**
**The council (Except for Elder Fred and Elder Malcolm) was transmogrified into rabbits shortly after making this decision. The best and brightest Super Wizards are currently in the process of developing Council Transmogrification, but have had limited success***.
***The Ghost of the Doomsday Scribe suggested Ghost Transmogrification. When it was pointed out, however, that this was just a stupid term he made up for death, he made an obscene gesture while slowly disappearing into a wall****.
****This would have normally caused the council to increase resources to finding a replacement for the scribe, but in their current state, they settled for passive-aggressively nibbling on lettuce.
The IT department(s) has been urging the Council to update their transmogrification protection to current standards for years, but they've been slow to act. Whether it was the cost and effort involved in bringing the protection up to compliance, or the weird, eldritch chittering language of the IT department(s)*, they were not prepared for what was to come.
*Or, I suspect, both.
"THAT'S STUPID! YOU'RE STUPID! SUMMON THE HOUNDS!"
"Do you even know what you're doing with Hound Summoning?! You're taking concentrated evil and putting it in the shape of a dog!"
"EVIL IS A GOOD BOY AND JUST WANTS WALKIES AND TUMMY SCRATCHES!"
"AND SOULS!"
"ONLY ON TUESDAYS IF THEY EAT ALL THEIR FOOD AND DON'T MESS ON THE CARPET! And don't act like you're a saint! Last week you turned the entire math class into rabbits!"
"I freed them from their earthly non-rabbit shackles!"
"What does that even mean?! My hounds never do stuff like that!"
"ONE OF YOUR HOUNDS ATE SUPER WIZARD FLYING RAINBOW AN HOUR AGO!"
"Well he had a stupid name."
"HOW IS THAT AN EXCUSE?!"
"Commodore Scritch-Scratch hates stupid names. And stop changing the subject! I know you know the secrets of Hound Transmogrification!"
"You'll never figure it out!"
"I'll make you tell me!"
"I don't know the secrets, there was only one place to learn them!"
"WHERE?!"
"The library!"
"NO!"
"IN A BOOK!"
"NO! LIES!"
"YOUR HUBRIS AGAINST INANIMATE OBJECTS HAS BECOME YOUR DOWNFALL!"
...We'll discuss what followed in the days to come. For the time being, we're still in the process of rebuilding after this...event, and there's much to do.
However, rest assured, readers! We have pulled through another disaster, and will continue to be a shining beacon on the horizon for Super Wizards (And Super Wizards at heart*) everywhere!
*People who can't afford tuition.
*Due to recent events, the Council have decided to move Rabbit Transmogrification to one of the forbidden arts, at least for the time being.**
**The council (Except for Elder Fred and Elder Malcolm) was transmogrified into rabbits shortly after making this decision. The best and brightest Super Wizards are currently in the process of developing Council Transmogrification, but have had limited success***.
***The Ghost of the Doomsday Scribe suggested Ghost Transmogrification. When it was pointed out, however, that this was just a stupid term he made up for death, he made an obscene gesture while slowly disappearing into a wall****.
****This would have normally caused the council to increase resources to finding a replacement for the scribe, but in their current state, they settled for passive-aggressively nibbling on lettuce.
The IT department(s) has been urging the Council to update their transmogrification protection to current standards for years, but they've been slow to act. Whether it was the cost and effort involved in bringing the protection up to compliance, or the weird, eldritch chittering language of the IT department(s)*, they were not prepared for what was to come.
*Or, I suspect, both.
Anyway, you see, two of our more...well-known students took their animosity for each other to the next level and went to all-out war. Rodeo Nova and Ninja Bunny have only recently been contained in the Recreation and Quarantine Wing, and a student lottery has been set up to see who's responsible for bringing them food and other necessities while we figure out what to do with them, or for them to resolve whatever their differences are.
No one's entirely sure what happened to spark this war, but the following argument was heard by those listening out of sight before the hostilities began:
No one's entirely sure what happened to spark this war, but the following argument was heard by those listening out of sight before the hostilities began:
"ALL MATTER IS RABBITS AT ITS PURIST FORM!"
"THAT'S STUPID! YOU'RE STUPID! SUMMON THE HOUNDS!"
"Do you even know what you're doing with Hound Summoning?! You're taking concentrated evil and putting it in the shape of a dog!"
"EVIL IS A GOOD BOY AND JUST WANTS WALKIES AND TUMMY SCRATCHES!"
"AND SOULS!"
"ONLY ON TUESDAYS IF THEY EAT ALL THEIR FOOD AND DON'T MESS ON THE CARPET! And don't act like you're a saint! Last week you turned the entire math class into rabbits!"
"I freed them from their earthly non-rabbit shackles!"
"What does that even mean?! My hounds never do stuff like that!"
"ONE OF YOUR HOUNDS ATE SUPER WIZARD FLYING RAINBOW AN HOUR AGO!"
"Well he had a stupid name."
"HOW IS THAT AN EXCUSE?!"
"Commodore Scritch-Scratch hates stupid names. And stop changing the subject! I know you know the secrets of Hound Transmogrification!"
"You'll never figure it out!"
"I'll make you tell me!"
"I don't know the secrets, there was only one place to learn them!"
"WHERE?!"
"The library!"
"NO!"
"IN A BOOK!"
"NO! LIES!"
"YOUR HUBRIS AGAINST INANIMATE OBJECTS HAS BECOME YOUR DOWNFALL!"
...We'll discuss what followed in the days to come. For the time being, we're still in the process of rebuilding after this...event, and there's much to do.
However, rest assured, readers! We have pulled through another disaster, and will continue to be a shining beacon on the horizon for Super Wizards (And Super Wizards at heart*) everywhere!
*People who can't afford tuition.
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