Student Highlights Week 3: Crystal Elegance

Hello Readers!  Lighting Tornado here.

The move back to the Tower is going well, and we've even had an influx of new students!  While we continue to get things back in order here*, we've decided to dedicate this week to highlighting some of our new and promising students!
* And while Lazer Gaiden finishes his psychological counseling.

Name: Crystal Elegance

Sex: N/A

Gender: Fluid (she/her)

Race: Sentient Crimson Bovine Runoff

Hometown: Hazardous Waste Disposal Site #6

Strengths: Witty, charming, and a quick learner

Weaknesses: Dissolves a number of materials* on contact, immunity to high-fives**.
* Including flesh
** Don't mention "Doctor" CoolRad's missing hand.  He's very sensitive about it.

History:  Crystal Elegance is a recent addition to the student body as part of a contractual obligation to Crimson Bovine.  She is a lovely iridescent mass of Sentient Crimson Bovine Runoff, and remarkably well read and spoken.  The fine folks at Crimson Bovine even provided her with a tiny aluminum wizard hat, one of the few substances that her body does not dissolve*.
*Rumors that the Crimson Bovine corporation enrolled Crystal Elegance to the Super Wizards to avoid paying hazardous waste disposal fees are unfounded and hurtful to our new student.  Please keep this in mind to avoid disciplinary action or possibly being horrifically dissolved in retaliation.

Notes: Although new to the Tower, Crystal has already become quite popular and made a number of friends*.  Specialized accommodations have been arranged for her in the student dorms**.  She doesn't seem to eat, but the Tower has been refreshingly clean of any vermin.

Crystal is new enough to the student body that her Super Wizard talents have not yet been evaluated.  You will see her in a variety of classes as we try to figure out where she best excels.  Please make her feel as welcome as possible!
* The Council is aware of Crystal's extremely alarming friendship with Rodeo Nova, Ninja Bunny, and Burning Mermaid.  Please stop screaming about it (or just in general) and consider just staying out of their way.
** A barrel with a warning sign on it.

A Return to "Normal" (Part 1)

"So in conclusion, you can weaponize bears with the right skills, tools, and resistance to self-preservation, but you should NEVER attempt to weaponize raccoons."  Super Wizard Lazer Gaiden intoned, with a confident nod.

The two squirrels that he had been talking to exchanged a bewildered look and scampered up a nearby tree.

Lazer Gaiden shook his head.  "Students these days have no respect."

Wolf Knight raised an eyebrow at the older man's antics.  "Uh...is he going to be...alright?"  He asked.

Super Wizard Intern Lighting Tornado looked over at Lazer Gaiden, who had wandered off and begun lecturing a tree.  "With some time, maybe."  He replied, finally.  "A year of Crimson Bovine withdrawal and eating pine cones has taken a toll on some more than others.  Lazer Gaiden is one of the worse cases."

Wolf Knight exchanged a look with Burning Mermaid, who shrugged.  Turbo Thunder was nearby, helping some of the other super wizards get students down from the trees by helpfully throwing rocks up at them.  "The ah...Tower is back."  He told the older man.  "...Mostly."

"*HISS*"
"DON'T YOU THREATEN ME WITH RABIES, TREE BLASTER!"

Lighting Tornado raised an eyebrow.  "I'm concerned by your use of the word mostly, but tired enough of eating pine cones in the woods that I'm not going to ask for now.  We'll spread the word and get the survivors on the move back to Happyshine."

"Right...We'll do what we can to help."  Wolf Knight replied.  He and Burning Mermaid turned to leave when Lighting Tornado stopped him with a firm hand on his shoulder.

"Don't trust the deer."  He hissed in a low voice.  "The war may be over, but they have long mem-"  He stopped, his gaze trailing off into the forest.  Wolf Knight followed his gaze and noticed a pair of deer staring at them from the shadows of the forest.  They narrowed their eyes and faded into the darkness.

"Alright, that wasn't distressing at all."  Wolf Knight commented.

"It's not the first time Elder Bob's desire to use deer as currency has sparked a war, and surely will not be the last."  Lighting Tornado explained, solemnly.

"THE BABY ONES ARE THE CHANGE!  YOUR INVESTMENT GROWS OVER TIME!"

Wolf Knight sighed.  "Actually, you know what?  I think you've got things under control here.  I'm going back to the tower."

****

Elsewhere in the woods, a shrieking gateway made of mouths, ears, and tongues opened from thin air.  The gateway let out the winds from a thousand dead worlds and the last helpless cries of their inhabitants.  Lesser Evil and Space Slayer walked out of the gateway.

"You know, these really aren't that bad once you get used to them."  Lesser Evil announced, as the gateway closed behind them.

"Ugh, where the hell are we now?"  Space Slayer replied, but stopped walking as she noticed a crude sign that read Super Wizard Temporary Ladies Room.

"We're back!"  Lesser Evil exclaimed, and ran off to greet some fellow classmates he saw in the distance.

"Worst traveling companion ever..."  Space Slayer mumbled, walking slowly behind him.