The Temporary Tower (Part 2)

Hello readers!

I know that we're all excited and/or terrified with our new Temporary Tower location, but the Council has asked that I lay down a few ground rules.

1. Regarding Pine Cones

Yes, our food supplies are currently quite limited, but we need to be smart about what we're consuming.  When the need to feed arises, follow these simple guidelines:

Pine cone located on plate provided by Certified Pine Cone Culinarian Professional:  These pine cones are probably safe to eat, barring the standard 5-10% pine cone consumption error rate.

Pine cone is on floor:  Possibly unsafe.  Use your judgement.

Pine cone is imaginary:  Only consume if you’re lacking in imaginary vitamins.

Pine cone is bear:  Do not eat.

Note:  If you start experiencing effects similar to those that accompany "Crimson Bovine Power Beverage "Not a Drug Reference" flavor, only do what the visions tell you to do if it sounds cool.

2. Regarding the Ghost of the Doomsday Scribe

Do not disturb the Ghost of the Doomsday Scribe.

Losing access to the Tower's prophecies seems to have driven him a bit crazier than he was.  The council's last reports say that he possessed a squirrel and has begun to inscribe some fairly alarming things* on trees using an acorn.  It's probably best to avoid him more than usual until he calms down.
*Doomzday Scribe Wuz Here**
**We are aware that he has also taken to wearing a tiny hat backwards
***Student concerns that he's making us look bad to the local wildlife are being evaluated.

3. Regarding Crimson Bovine

I know that many of you are concerned about the supplies of Crimson Bovine running low, but there's good news!  The Council has managed to acquire a special stock of Crimson Bovine "Disaster Profiteering" flavor at convenient regular price.*
*The bad news is that this does set us back a bit on our ability to acquire more tents.

That's all for now, so let's move on to some more questions!

"Sir, what has become of Elder Fred?!  WHERE ARE YOU KEEPING HIM?!  Thank you."
-Flavor Demon

Okay, let's put this issue to rest once and for all:  Elder Fred's whereabouts are currently unknown.  We suspect that he didn't make it out of the Tower before...the incident.  But fear not!  Elder Fred is a hardy sort, if anyone can survive the horrors that befell the Tower, it's him.

"I understand that there's only one tent, but would it be too much to ask for the Council to share it with the students?"
-Non-Euclidian Eggplant

This question has come up a few times, so the Council has prepared a short statement for the students.

"No"

"Alas, I have wandered far from my home
The comforting walls of mine tower
Soon my friends shall be naught but bone
Or reduced to ash by secret powers
What fate awaits us within these trees?
Only death, darkness, and bees."
-Blood Rainbow

That's...not a question, Blood Rainbow.  There's no need to be so dramatic, this situation is only temporary.  Probably.

"Sir, what is the council actually doing to try and retrieve the Tower?  Or do anything about the less than ideal living situation?  On the rare occasion they're seen outside their tent, all they seem to do is roast marshmallows and tell scary stories.

Follow-up question, why do they have marshmallows if we're stuck eating pine cones?"
-Lunch Meat Lemming

Well, looks like that's all the time we have for today!  See you soon!

The Temporary Tower (Part 1)

Hello readers!  It has been some time, hasn't it?

Like a rad phoenix emerging from flames made of electric guitars, we have returned.

Those of you who are not students or staff might be wondering where we've been*?  Where has the magic in the world gone?  Where are the Super Wizards?  What in the name of all that is holy is that rabbit/hound hybrid rampaging across the land?!
*Those of you who are students or staff are likely still dealing with therapy and/or litigation, so feel free to skip the rest of this if you don't want to reopen old wounds from which we could be hit with further litigation.

Ah but you see, one of those questions answers the other, for the abomination was/is* what became of the tower.  As it turns out, the only thing more dangerous than Rodeo Nova and Ninja Bunny being at war is Rodeo Nova and Ninja Bunny joining forces.**  Our quest to hunt down the tower is on-going, so for the time being, we've set up at the ancient Super Wizard Temporary Tower.
*Research is pending on whether or not the monster can be turned back into the Tower.
**To be fair, we probably shouldn't have locked them up and then forgotten about them.


Now if you're a student or staff member, I know what you're thinking.  "But Super Wizard Lazer Gaiden, The Temporary Tower is just a tent, and not even a very nice or large tent!"  I've heard it all before.  Yes, it's not quite as nice or spacious as the old tower, and yes, we do need to worry about the occasional wild animal dragging off students*.  I'm not sure where we are in the student casualty quota, but we're probably fine.  Additionally, the Council has decided that, since there's not already a word for sleeping in tents in the forest, what we're currently doing will be called Tentomancy.
*In some ways, you could say it's just like home.

And remember that it's not all bad!  Kitchen duty has been canceled as the kitchen has (presumably) become one of the new tower creature's feet.

The bad news is that the location of the Temporary Tower has left our food supplies severely limited.  I don't want to spoil the surprise of what's for dinner, but let's just say it's rich in Vitamin Pine Cone.

All that aside, I know that there have been a number of questions about our current situation, so I'll do my best to address some of them.

"Sir, I have reason to suspect that the beavers downstream have begun to conspire against us.  We believed them to be our strongest, and most noble allies, but now I fear a betrayal is eminent.  Has the council taken precautions against the possible beaver menace?"
-Llama Bomb

While your concern is noted and appreciated, Llama Bomb, I suspect that a possible beaver betrayal is the least of our problems right now.

"Why are we camping in the middle of the woods, and not like...staying at a hotel or something in Happyshine?"
-Soggy Sapphire

An excellent question that has everything to do with this being the ancient ancestral backup location of the Super Wizard Order and nothing to do with Happyshine government officials kicking us out again because of massive property damage.  I'm told.

"Sir, Necromatic Panic has been taken by the mosquitoes.  Could we put out a bug zapper or something to prevent this tragedy from repeating?"
-Smile Machete

We're not actually sure where the tower accountant is so it's all guesswork, but I'm told that the budget is 'Probably not good' right now.  The mosquito situation is, however, being discussed.  I think the most popular suggestion so far has been to give fly swatters* to students.
*Sticks

"If we're going to have to camp in the middle of the woods, could we at least have more than one tent?  There's only one and it's being used by the council."
-Gazebo Assassin

Rest assured, the tower architect is hard at work figuring out how to stack tents on top of each other.  After that, we'll see if we can figure out where to get more tents.

That's all the time we have for today.  I've got a fairly hefty pile of questions here, some on paper, some urgently scratched into tree bark, so we'll continue this next time.