Hello readers!
I know that we're all excited and/or terrified with our new Temporary Tower location, but the Council has asked that I lay down a few ground rules.
1. Regarding Pine Cones
Yes, our food supplies are currently quite limited, but we need to be smart about what we're consuming. When the need to feed arises, follow these simple guidelines:
Pine cone located on plate provided by Certified Pine Cone Culinarian Professional: These pine cones are probably safe to eat, barring the standard 5-10% pine cone consumption error rate.
Pine cone is on floor: Possibly unsafe. Use your judgement.
Pine cone is imaginary: Only consume if you’re lacking in imaginary vitamins.
Pine cone is bear: Do not eat.
Note: If you start experiencing effects similar to those that accompany "Crimson Bovine Power Beverage "Not a Drug Reference" flavor, only do what the visions tell you to do if it sounds cool.
2. Regarding the Ghost of the Doomsday Scribe
Do not disturb the Ghost of the Doomsday Scribe.
Losing access to the Tower's prophecies seems to have driven him a bit crazier than he was. The council's last reports say that he possessed a squirrel and has begun to inscribe some fairly alarming things* on trees using an acorn. It's probably best to avoid him more than usual until he calms down.
*Doomzday Scribe Wuz Here**
**We are aware that he has also taken to wearing a tiny hat backwards
***Student concerns that he's making us look bad to the local wildlife are being evaluated.
I know that we're all excited and/or terrified with our new Temporary Tower location, but the Council has asked that I lay down a few ground rules.
1. Regarding Pine Cones
Yes, our food supplies are currently quite limited, but we need to be smart about what we're consuming. When the need to feed arises, follow these simple guidelines:
Pine cone located on plate provided by Certified Pine Cone Culinarian Professional: These pine cones are probably safe to eat, barring the standard 5-10% pine cone consumption error rate.
Pine cone is on floor: Possibly unsafe. Use your judgement.
Pine cone is imaginary: Only consume if you’re lacking in imaginary vitamins.
Pine cone is bear: Do not eat.
Note: If you start experiencing effects similar to those that accompany "Crimson Bovine Power Beverage "Not a Drug Reference" flavor, only do what the visions tell you to do if it sounds cool.
2. Regarding the Ghost of the Doomsday Scribe
Do not disturb the Ghost of the Doomsday Scribe.
Losing access to the Tower's prophecies seems to have driven him a bit crazier than he was. The council's last reports say that he possessed a squirrel and has begun to inscribe some fairly alarming things* on trees using an acorn. It's probably best to avoid him more than usual until he calms down.
*Doomzday Scribe Wuz Here**
**We are aware that he has also taken to wearing a tiny hat backwards
***Student concerns that he's making us look bad to the local wildlife are being evaluated.
3. Regarding Crimson Bovine
I know that many of you are concerned about the supplies of Crimson Bovine running low, but there's good news! The Council has managed to acquire a special stock of Crimson Bovine "Disaster Profiteering" flavor at convenient regular price.*
*The bad news is that this does set us back a bit on our ability to acquire more tents.
That's all for now, so let's move on to some more questions!
"Sir, what has become of Elder Fred?! WHERE ARE YOU KEEPING HIM?! Thank you."
-Flavor Demon
Okay, let's put this issue to rest once and for all: Elder Fred's whereabouts are currently unknown. We suspect that he didn't make it out of the Tower before...the incident. But fear not! Elder Fred is a hardy sort, if anyone can survive the horrors that befell the Tower, it's him.
"I understand that there's only one tent, but would it be too much to ask for the Council to share it with the students?"
-Non-Euclidian Eggplant
This question has come up a few times, so the Council has prepared a short statement for the students.
"No"
"Alas, I have wandered far from my home
The comforting walls of mine tower
Soon my friends shall be naught but bone
Or reduced to ash by secret powers
What fate awaits us within these trees?
Only death, darkness, and bees."
-Blood Rainbow
That's...not a question, Blood Rainbow. There's no need to be so dramatic, this situation is only temporary. Probably.
"Sir, what is the council actually doing to try and retrieve the Tower? Or do anything about the less than ideal living situation? On the rare occasion they're seen outside their tent, all they seem to do is roast marshmallows and tell scary stories.
Follow-up question, why do they have marshmallows if we're stuck eating pine cones?"
-Lunch Meat Lemming
Well, looks like that's all the time we have for today! See you soon!
I know that many of you are concerned about the supplies of Crimson Bovine running low, but there's good news! The Council has managed to acquire a special stock of Crimson Bovine "Disaster Profiteering" flavor at convenient regular price.*
*The bad news is that this does set us back a bit on our ability to acquire more tents.
That's all for now, so let's move on to some more questions!
"Sir, what has become of Elder Fred?! WHERE ARE YOU KEEPING HIM?! Thank you."
-Flavor Demon
Okay, let's put this issue to rest once and for all: Elder Fred's whereabouts are currently unknown. We suspect that he didn't make it out of the Tower before...the incident. But fear not! Elder Fred is a hardy sort, if anyone can survive the horrors that befell the Tower, it's him.
"I understand that there's only one tent, but would it be too much to ask for the Council to share it with the students?"
-Non-Euclidian Eggplant
This question has come up a few times, so the Council has prepared a short statement for the students.
"No"
"Alas, I have wandered far from my home
The comforting walls of mine tower
Soon my friends shall be naught but bone
Or reduced to ash by secret powers
What fate awaits us within these trees?
Only death, darkness, and bees."
-Blood Rainbow
That's...not a question, Blood Rainbow. There's no need to be so dramatic, this situation is only temporary. Probably.
"Sir, what is the council actually doing to try and retrieve the Tower? Or do anything about the less than ideal living situation? On the rare occasion they're seen outside their tent, all they seem to do is roast marshmallows and tell scary stories.
Follow-up question, why do they have marshmallows if we're stuck eating pine cones?"
-Lunch Meat Lemming
Well, looks like that's all the time we have for today! See you soon!
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