Hello everyone, Intern Super Wizard Lighting Tornado here again! Today I'll be giving you part 2 of the Super Wizard Bestiary that Lazer Gaiden started.
Demons
Danger level: Possibly apocalyptic
Where to find them: In your nightmares, occasionally as classmates at the Tower.
Description: Legends found in dusty old texts spared from Rodeo Nova's wrath state that a demon walking the land will cause the end of the world. Honestly though, they can get in line. Seems like the world's in danger of being ended by basically everything nowadays. If it's not demons, it's the nonsense with the West Wing or the more boring Super Wizards proclaiming that using The Eighties will kill us all.
How to deal with them: Ours likes cute things, so bribery usually works. Not sure about others though.
Eighties Spawn
Danger level: Varies
Where to find them: In the aftermath of montages, homeless in the slums of Happyshine, possibly in your classroom
Description: A common misconception of Eighties Spawn after Lazer Gaiden brought them up is that Eighties Spawn are all humans. This is not actually the case, as there have been reports of both human and animal and...neither. Part of the risk involved in the montage is that you don't know what will happen by the end. You could end up with a flock of seagulls haircut, or surrounded by burly lumberjacks dressed in business casual riding ponies made of sparkles.
How to deal with them: Honestly I don't have a good answer for this. No one does, really. No one's really sure exactly where Eighties Spawn come from, not even the Eighties Spawn themselves. Some theories say that they're actually created BY the montage.
Invertmites
Danger level: Depends on whether or not you've got a fear of tasteful furniture. Yes, that's a thing.
Where to find them: If a new village turns up on the map, odds are good you'll find them here.
Description: Invertmites are a pest of sorts that rapidly construct lovely wooden furniture through unknown means. Their magical status is a matter of some debate, although they're notoriously difficult to actually locate. If you don't think sudden furniture sounds that bad, you've clearly not experienced the nightmare of waking up to find a brand new armoire with beautiful floral carvings in your bedroom. In the middle of the night. With your foot.
How to deal with them: Usually, you don't. You're way, way more likely to find their leavings than the critters themselves. And they often turn up in inconvenient places. I heard a story of someone who found a huge, brand new dresser with intricate carvings depicting ancient battles in their closet. Except it was too big to open the drawers, or (probably more importantly) even remove from the closet. Some people think they're not actually bugs, but gnomes. This is silly, of course, because gnomes don't exist.
Crimson Bovine Runoff
Danger level: I'm legally required to say safe.
Where to find them: Near Crimson Bovine factories, which non-employees aren't supposed to be around anyway.
Description: Crimson Bovine has the best, most (safe) highly toxic runoff of any company ever. In a recent push to be more environmentally friendly, they've taken to piping (most of) their runoff into alternate planes of reality. This is probably fine.
How to deal with them: Unless you're employed by Crimson Bovine, your odds of this ever being an issue are low. I'm told Crimson Bovine Inc. holds the right to press charges in the event of maiming, death, possession by otherworldly forces, or....hm...this is a really long list. Basically don't trespass on Crimson Bovine property or they'll probably sue you or what's left of you. That assuming, of course, that Crimson Bovine wasn't perfectly safe. Which I'm legally required to say is not the case.
No comments:
Post a Comment