Tuesday, January 31, 2017

Elsewhere

Lord Painscream the Incorrigible sat upon his throne of unicorn skulls, idly browsing a teen fashion magazine.  "I swear to me, I don't understand kids these days..."  He muttered to himself.  He almost didn't notice when a cloud of black smoke began to pour into the room from several cracks in the red wall, materializing into a humanoid form.  As the smoke merged, the form began to develop more and more features until a stately gentleman butler stood before him.

"Sir."  The butler said.

"Ah, hello Jacob."  Lord Painscream said, looking at him over the bridge of his tiny reading glasses.

"We've just received...er...what are you reading, sir?"

"A teen fashion magazine."

"A what?"

Lord Painscream let out a sigh.  "It's a quarterly book of sorts in which they discuss the latest fashion trends that the kids are following."

"I er...know what it is.  I'm just somewhat surprised to find you reading it."

"Demons need to know these things, Jacob.  If someone summons us to request their hearts desire, we'll get laughed out of the summoning circle if we show up wearing green tunics or something like that.  It's..."  he squinted at the magazine again.  "...like, so last season."

"If...you say so, sir."

"So why are you here?"

"It seems like your daughter sent us a bit of a..."  Jacob scrunched up his face, as though trying to decide what to say.  "...gift?"

"Ah, my little Burning Mermaid, off and about in the world above to pursue a higher education."  Lord Painscream said, flicking away a tear of pride.  "So what did she send us?"

"A bunch of members from something called the Cult of the Screaming Bleeding Agony."

"They sound fun."

"They were originally surprised and distressed when they arrived, but then they became..."  Jacob shuddered.  "...very excited."

"Oh.  That sort of cult."  Lord Painscream replied, his happiness deflating a bit.  "Well, I'm sure we'll get them sorted out eventually.  Make sure you assign them the folks with the really strong stomachs."

"Yes sir."

"Thanks Jacob.  You're a pretty alright butler."

Jacob beamed.  "You might even say I'm one HEL-"

"I'm going to stop you right there, Jacob.  Your predecessor made that joke like...every time I saw him.  You probably don't want to know the situation that led to his replacement."  He looked around the room and then put a clawed hand to his mouth and lowered his voice as though telling a secret.  "It involved a lot of screaming and they're still trying to clean the blood off the walls."

"...yes sir."  Jacob said, turning a little pale.  He began to dissipate into smoke again and escape through the cracks in the wall from whence he came.

"Allright, where were we..."  Lord Painscream murmured, paging through the magazine.  "Ugh...pastels...and they say demons are evil."

No comments:

Post a Comment