A Quest (Part 2)

After gathering a small amount of personal belongings and the backpack given to him by the Council, Wolf Knight made his way out of Happyshine and traveled down the road a bit until he reached a fork in the road.

“Okay, let’s see what help the Council has decided to grace me with…” Wolf Knight muttered and started rooting through the backpack they gave him. There were a few glow sticks, some rope, three boxes with small pieces of tape upon which “mealz” had been written (The z at the end emphasized and used to underline the rest of the word), A small bottle labeled “Crimson Bovine Power Beverage”, a second small bottle labeled “Crimson Bovine Diet Power Beverage”, and a Pamphlet that said “Come visit the Scenic Dark Undercold!” in large, cartoonish bubble letters.

“In contrast to the name, the Dark Undercold is neither dark, nor cold! Why not begin your trip at the beautiful Sacrificial Slab Inn and Grill? You might even learn a bit of local history from the friendly Cult of the Screaming Bleeding Agony that run the business! They’re a riot, and the Inn and Grill has the ringing endorsement of our wise and noble leader, Lord Darkblood Killdeath!” There was a small, circular picture of a cloaked figure beneath the paragraph with an arm raised in what may have been a thumbs up if any part of his body had been exposed, and the quote “They’re Sacri-tastic!” underneath it. Wolf knight’s attention was drawn from the travel brochure by someone shouting from the road behind him, a voice that filled him with far more dread than the quest ahead of him.

“My friend!” Shouted Turbo Thunder, the golden child of the Super Wizard tower and Wolf Knight’s roommate. “I will not allow you to undertake a quest this dangerous by yourself!”

“Turbo.” Wolf Knight said, inwardly heaving a heavy sigh. “I think I can handle this. Did Lazer Gaiden send you?”

“No, my friend!” Turbo beamed. “I join you now of my own desire and will.” He looked around him as though suddenly concerned someone might be listening. “I told them that I was taking a short leave to visit family and got a permission slip signed.” He pulled out a slip of paper and showed it to Wolf Knight.

“Hm. Reason for leaving: Secretly helping Wolf Knight on his quest. Very Clever, Turbo. I’m sure they’ll never suspect.” Wolf Knight said, wishing that there was less truth to that statement.

“Exactly! And I’m sure that traveling with me, you’ll be able to better your catastrophically terrible skills! I can’t just sit back and watch a fellow Super Wizard hopeful fail.

“Truly the Super Wizards are undeserving of a paragon such as yourself.” Wolf Knight replied, dryly.

Turbo beamed “Okay! In order to figure out where we’re going to go, I’ll use the ancient Super Wizard power of Archeomancy!”

“That’s not really necessary, Turbo, I’ve got a map.” Wolf Knight replied, but Turbo had already begun chanting. “Okay, I guess this is happening whether I want it to or not.”

Turbo’s chanting increased in both volume and intensity as he slowly reached into his pocket and pulled out a compass.

“Archeomancy’s not a power, Turbo.”

Turbo continued chanting and began to turn back and forth a bit while looking down at the compass.

“Why are you chanting? You’re just looking at a compass.”

Turbo stopped turning, locking in to face the desired direction. “Our goal lies in this direction, my friend!”

“That’s where we came from, Turbo. The Dark Undercold is to the s-” Wolf Knight trailed off as Turbo bounded down the road that led back to Happyshine. “...Okay then.” He turned back to the pamphlet again and flipped to the directions section.

“Coming from Happyshine? You must have drawn the short straw!” Wolf Knight rolled his eyes.

“There are technically two paths to take from Happyshine: The first, the eastern path, will take you to the Cliffs of Inconceivable Frustration, but as nobody has ever managed to scale the cliffs, this path is not recommended.”

“The more rational path to the west will take you to the Cavern of Fireflies and the Forest of Ages, both of which are possible routes that can be taken into the Dark Undercold. Use this mnemonic device to remember the difference between the right path and the wrong path: Don’t go to the Cliffs of Inconceivable Frustration, that’s stupid!”

“We should try the cliffs!” Turbo shouted, causing Wolf Knight to recoil in shock.

“When the hell did you get back?”

Turbo stared at him as though he didn’t understand the question.

“And were you reading over my shoulder?”

“Yeah!”

“...I’m going to be completely honest, I wasn’t sure you could read.”

“Of course I can read! Don’t you remember when I won first place in Rodeo Nova's reading contest last month?”

“Turbo, her ‘reading contest’ was a competition to see who could punch through the most books.  And there wasn't a prize, she was just trying to root out the stragglers from her assault on the library."  He stopped and considered for a moment.  "Although I'll admit to the plan being more clever than I gave her credit for, I still don't get what she has against books."

"Well I mean...she's got a point if you think about it.  Books could have anything written in them!"

"Yes, because that's how books work, Turbo.  And we're getting off topic, you used my textbooks for that nonsense!"

"Yeah...sorry about that.  I couldn't find mine."

"I had to use loaners until they could get me replacements. One of them had teeth marks, Turbo!  TEETH MARKS!”

“Well you know what they…”

“No. Shut up. Sink your teeth into a good book is a figure of speech. It’s not any more literal than the last 50 times you said it.”