Hello everyone! We'll be taking a bit of time to do something different today. This blog and a vast majority of the Super Wizard Tower's functions are made possible by the generous donations and support of Crimson Bovine. The Council has mailed me* a statement from Crimson Bovine to post here today. Let's get right into it!
*From wherever they ran off to, there's no return address.
Crimson Bovine is the world renowned producer of questionably delicious Power Beverages, and we have products that appeal to any age, gender, race, religion, and political ideology. Are you feeling tired? Drained? Injured? Try one of our many flavors of Crimson Bovine today! Below you'll find a selection of some of our newer flavors, and when in doubt, nothing beats original flavor!
"Crimson Bovine" Tropical Brain Freeze: Have something that you'd like to forget? Tropical Brain Freeze is the flavor for you! Just reach for one of these and memories will be the least of your problems*!
*"Crimson Bovine" Tropical Brain Freeze contains 100% alcohol. May cause blindness.
"Crimson Bovine" Just-in-Case Cyanide: Has the worst happened? Is there no other alternative? Is the sweet embrace of death preferable to whatever is emerging from the shadows? Let Crimson Bovine take you aboard the flavor-town roller coaster into the grave*!
*Crimson Bovine takes no responsibility resulting from consumption of Just-in-Case Cyanide flavor. Seriously, look at the name. Any cases of the termination of life resulting from consumption of this flavor are either intentional or deserved.
"Crimson Bovine" Glass: It's exactly the same as regular flavor Crimson Bovine, but it's clear! You'll buy it anyway because it's new and heavily marketed!
"Crimson Bovine" XTREME: It comes in a container that uses BRIGHT NEON COLORS and EDGY FONTS and FAMOUS WIZARDBALL ATHLETES*. You'll buy it not because it tastes like pee, but because it's AWESOME!
*Artistic imaginings.
"Crimson Bovine" Tropical Chaos Flavor: This flavor has been discontinued. Research into possibly related human explosion incidents is ongoing. Please contact Happyshine city hall for all litigation purposes.
So remember: Whether you're lagging behind or just need a little boost, there's always a flavor of "Crimson Bovine" Power Beverage for you!
Crimson Bovine: It dissolves wings on contact!
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