Recent Events

Hello everybody!  I hope that you all had a wonderful holiday season! I know that I did, between the gift giving and the customary awkward family time where we all field the usual questions and complaints*.  Before we kick things off again, I thought I'd take a moment to address some concerns regarding recent events.
*"What do you do again?" "When are you going to get a real job?"  "Why won't you cut your hair?"  "Please stop stabbing your uncle for being an Elder George supporter!"

Space Slayer and Lesser Evil:  Yes, the rumors are apparently true:  Space Slayer and Lesser Evil have united for reasons known only to them and are both currently missing.  The Council of Elders is currently doing their very best to investigate this issue*.  For the time being, the ghost of the Doomsday Scribe will be going door to door in the dorms passing out "Causality Crises and You!" guides as well as "Crimson Bovine" Power Beverage Just-in-Case Cyanide** flavor.
*At least, I assume that's what they've left to do when the lot of them were seen rushing out of the tower with hastily packed, bulging suitcases while screaming "You're on your own, suckers!".
**"For when you're out of options, and absolutely no other flavor will do."

The Hounds:  All of you may have noticed the packs of large dogs all yelling the word "Bark!" in people voices*.  This is...well...not exactly normal, but normal enough for the Tower, I suppose.  This was the result of a botched spell performed by our very own Rodeo Nova.  I'm told she knows how to fix it now, which she'll do "When it stops being funny."

On a related note, you may have noticed that Elder George is also yelling nothing but the word "Bark!".  This is hilarious**.
*They're kind of hard to miss.  If you have not noticed them, please report to your Ignorance professor for extra credit.
**As this effect seems to have carried over to his computer abilities, The Council has decided to revoke Elder George's computer access until a cure to his condition can be acquired***.
***There has not been a tremendous hurry to do this.

The Quest:  As you may have heard from rumors around the tower and the announcement that was read to the citizens of Happyshine, the princess has fallen ill with the terrible sickness of death.  This is actually a fairly minor issue in the grand scheme of things, as the royal family of Happyshine mostly serves as figurehead rulers these days.  That aside, Wolf Knight has been sent to the Dark Undercold on a quest to obtain the cure.  Because the Council feared for his safety*, Burning Mermaid was also sent to back him up on this quest.  Rumors that Turbo Thunder has secretly left to assist as well are ridiculous and unfounded, no matter how many people he told.
*And not at all because they were too terrified to stop her.

The West Wing:  A number of you have pointed out that the door to the West Wing (which does not exist) has transformed into a large, fleshy mouth lined with dagger length fangs and a suspiciously red carpet-like tongue.  Please allow me to be blunt for a moment:  The West Wing does not exist, and if it DID exist, the fact that the door turned into a giant mouth should be even less of a reason to enter then when it was a door (that did not exist)!

The West Wing does not exist.  For your own safety, do not enter the West Wing, whether the entrance is a door or a mouth.  We only have a few more days left in the month, and we're already almost past our yearly "acceptable loss" numbers for students.  Remember:  Safety First (for about another week)!