A Quest (Part 4)

Turbo Thunder stared at his reflection in the shining, sheer black surface of the Cliffs of Inconceivable Frustration. He and Wolf Knight looked up and saw the unblemished wall rising as far as they could see.

"You're right, Turbo! Going to the cliffs was a fantastic idea! Why don't you head up first, I'll be right behind you." Wolf Knight beamed.

“What the hell?” Turbo muttered, running his hand along the gleaming black wall as he walked back and forth trying to find a way up.

“Pretty sure we’re not getting up there, Turbo. Come on, let's just turn back and take the other route.”

“Like Hell we aren’t.” He dropped his pack on the ground and Wolf Knight was genuinely surprised to see that he had packed climbing gear. “Just give me a minute.” He took out a mallet and metal stake and attempted to hammer the stake into the cliff. When the cliff didn’t give way even slightly, Turbo’s hammering became more and more forceful.

“They don’t call them the Cliffs of Inconceivable Frustration for nothing, apparently.” Wolf Knight thought as he watched with a bemused look on his face as Turbo visibly became angrier the clang of the hammer on metal grew louder until he inevitably missed and cracked his thumb with the hammer. Turbo swore loudly and went to kick the wall, but managed to lose his balance in the most spectacular way possible. Both of his feet gave way from under him and he somehow flipped and landed on his head.

“I have absolutely no idea how that happened.” Turbo said, more confused than angry now.

“Maybe we should try the other path.”

“Yeah, I guess so. It’s like Elder Fred always says: “The correct path is always the last one you try.””

“Elder Fred didn’t say that, Turbo. Elder Fred is a rock.”

“You’re absolutely right, Wolf Knight. He’s our rock, the very thing that keeps us on the path to wisdom.”

“That’s not what I…” Wolf Knight squeezed his eyes shut and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Right, let’s get to that other path.”

The two turned around to make their way back to the road, only to find their paths blocked by a short woman with pink hair and little horns poking out.  "Interesting choice of travel route."

Wolf Knight ignored Turbo jumping to hide behind him.  "Burning Mermaid?  What are you doing all the way out here?"

Burning Mermaid shrugged. "An epic quest sounded more interesting than staying at the Tower, so I decided to come with you.  Also, Rodeo Nova and I have had a disagreement, so I thought it best to take my leave for a time while she cools down."

"What sort of disagreement?" Wolf Knight asked.

"A disagreement in relation to the subject of dogs."

"Well, it had to be either that or books, I suppose." Wolf Knight replied.

"She does possess a strong distaste for the scriptures of man."

"We're...aware, yes.  I think most of the students, elders, and citizens of Happyshine are." Wolf Knight said.

"So...the Council just let you go?" Turbo asked, peeking out from behind Wolf Knight.

"Yes, they were actually very supportive of my decision. I'll admit that it has made me somewhat suspicious of the expected success rate of this quest." She replied.

"Well that makes two of us." Wolf Knight said.

"I would like to see the Dark Undercold as well.  Everything I have heard about it has made it sound very...homey.  I want to see how it compares."

"You're not actually thinking of letting her come along, are you?"  Turbo urgently whispered to Wolf Knight.

"Would there be a problem with that, Turbo Thunder?"  Burning Mermaid asked, glaring at him.

Turbo made a noise in a higher pitch than Wolf Knight was aware he could make and ducked back out of sight.  "No, not at all!"  he chirped from his place of safety.

"It could get violent."  Wolf Knight suggested.

"There's no reason that we can't be civil to the Deathlords."  Burning Mermaid said.

"Yeah?  What if they don't like dogs?"  Wolf Knight asked.

"Then none will be spared."  Burning Mermaid replied, casually.

"What level of Hell do dog-haters go to, anyway?"  Turbo squeaked.

Burning Mermaid shook her head. "The Thirteen Hells have no place for those who dislike dogs. We have standards, Turbo Thunder."

"What about cat-haters?"  he asked.

"Level 5."

"Where DO dog-haters go then?"

Burning Mermaid gave Turbo a very nasty smile.  "Do you want me to tell you?"

Turbo turned white as a sheet and quickly shook his head.

"Well then, on that incredibly distressing note, let's get back to this quest then."